The Thing You Fear Most…
by Mandi-bre Watson
“I’m giving you my heart and all that is within, I lay it all down for the sake of you, my King. I’m giving you my dreams, I’m laying down my rights, I’m giving up my pride, for the promise of new life.”
Do you know that song? It’s one of my all-time favorites, “I surrender” by Lincoln Brewster.
The song chorus repeats over and over, “I surrender, all to you, all to you.” When I struggle to “let go and let God” (the struggle happens more than I care to admit) I sing this song as loud as I can to help me be reminded, that I really can and should surrender ALL (not some,) even when I feel like I can’t. Truth be told, I want to be in charge of all the things, ALL. THE. TIME. But I know in my heart this is not the way it should be because, His ways are so much better than my ways. So why do I have such a hard time surrendering?
As I was driving this morning I heard a saying on the radio, “the thing you fear most is where you trust God the least.” That statement pierced my heart to its core, because for me, that rang 100% true in my life. I trust God in so many areas in my life, but there is just this one area that I struggle with handing over completely. I think in the back of my head, I’m afraid God will not understand the gravity of MY NEED, so I need to stay on top of it (did I just type that!?) I know, that is ridiculous! He is God! But surrendering is HARD!
Surrendering is hard because it challenges my desire for control and the fear of the unknown. It requires vulnerability, humility, and the courage to admit that I don’t have all the answers, and it requires “laying down my pride for the promise of new life.” The struggle is real folks.
After I heard that profound message on the radio, I turned down the volume and I said out loud, “God I am so sorry. I don’t know why this area of my life so scary for me to surrender to you completely, but I don’t want to carry this burden any longer. It gives me anxiety and I am in a constant state of fear, but I am not strong enough to lay this down on my own. Please help me.” Almost immediately, I felt this peace wash over me and my eyes filled with tears, and I knew in my heart God had looked upon me with love and mercy, and this honest prayer was the first step towards surrendering the thing I fear most. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I found freedom in this new surrender.
I am work and progress, but praise be to God, I am His work! He is teaching me, as he did today, that even though I may struggle with surrender, it’s in this struggle that I grow, as I learn to trust in something beyond myself and find strength in Him. So, it’s ok to keep reaching out for His help.
He is always there, sending me gentle reminders through a song or a harsher “2x4 reminder” through a radio show, that he wants to take over my whole life, not just the parts that I am comfortable letting go of. He wants it all, and all he wants in return is my heart.
“I’m giving you my heart, and all that is within… because… I surrender all to you, all to you.”
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